OH GOD WHY DID I AGREE TO POST THIS ATROCITY?
by CheshireCat o.Oo.O
Summary: PURE CRACK FIC. RATED M FOR YAOI, INSANITY AND SEPHIROTH IN A CORSET. ALL SEPHIROTH, CLOUD, RENO, AND ISAACfrom Castlevania: Curse of DarknessFANS BEWARE.


This story was made possible by several YAOI fan girls, some liquor, and inventive thinking. I blame Jessica for coming up with this story in the first place. She wrote most of this story. I just helped. May her poor sanity rest in peace.

PURE CRACK FIC!!!!! SEVERE OOC AND YAOI WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL FANS OF SEPHIROTH, CLOUD, RENO, and ISAAC (From Castlevania: Curse of Darkness.) BEWARE!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT FLAME ME PEOPLE BECAUSE IT'S NOT MY FAULT . 

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Cloud sighed. Why did Tifa want him to meet the guy she was going on a date with tonight? He followed her down the stairs. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs, stunned. _Please tell me this is not the guy that she is dating. _Tifa went over to the shirtless man standing in the middle of the bar. _Oh my god, he is. _All the eyes in the bar were staring at the red haired, tattooed man wondering how he managed to get a date with Tifa.

"Isaac, this is Cloud. Cloud, this is Isaac."

He had to be the fruitiest guy Cloud had ever seen. He had red hair and was wearing was tight leather pants and -twitch- high heeled boots. Isaac walked forward and extended a gloved hand to shake Cloud's. His chainmail suspenders shifted as he walked. Miraculously, the man's leather pants didn't travel any further south.

Cloud swallowed and shook the man's hand.

"Nice to meet you..." _Spooky fruits,_ "... Isaac."

"It's my pleasure." Isaac winked at him, licking his lips.

Cloud resisted the urge to throw up in his mouth. He looked over at Tifa, checking to see if her pupils were dilated. She had to be on something to go out with this guy. Sadly, Tifa looked normal, except for the dreamy look in her eyes when Isaac turned and looked at her.

"Let's go babe." He said.

Thankfully, Isaac left shortly after, his hooker boots echoing on the bar floor, and Tifa hanging from his arm.

He heard Tifa whisper, "Isaac, your chainmail suspenders are so sexy."

Cloud stared on in horror. He needed a drink, scratch that, he need to get drunk off his ass to erase the past five minutes from his memory. Settling into a bar stool, he ordered a Tequila from Neo, the sustitute bartender. The pale guy came back a few minutes later with tall glass filled to the brim.

"I figured you needed a big one," The bartender said with his surfer's accent.

"Thanks."

He downed it in a few seconds. Reno came in on his third drink, but Cloud wasn't in the mood to get drunk with the obnoxious redhead. He said that he had to go see about Marlene and quickly excused himself from the bar. After wandering around town for a while, Cloud arrived at another bar. He was well on his way to finishing a bottle of Tequila when a bachelorette party invaded the bar. At that time he was three sheets to the wind and drunkingly stumbled out in search of another bar.

He didn't have to wander far before he arrived at the One Eyed Flying Monkey. He didn't seem to notice that all of the people in the bar were men, but he was too drunk to care about it at that point. Cloud grabbed a seat at the bar, ordering a bottle of Tequila. The bartender, a blue haired man with a large X carved into his forehead, quickly brought him his order. What was it with bartenders tonight and black trenchcoats? He thought to himself.

The bottle and the glass in front of him slowly blurred and the image of Spooky Fruits and Tifa were long forgotten. Suddenly his drunken marathon was interrupted by a loud noise. Cloud somehow managed to turn around, without falling off his stool, to see what the commotion was.

"Alright, we've got a great show for you tonight. We've got a newbie with us tonight, so give a lot of love up for her. Let's here it for Sophia!"

The lights dimmed and loud music began. A spotlight then appeared on a woman standing in the middle of the stage. Cloud drank in her long silver hair, emerald eyes, and long legs. She was wearing a black mini skirt, matching corset, and tall black boots that accentuated her legs perfectly. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. Her movements were fluid and sensual and Cloud just couldn't tear his eyes off of her.

She started singing as she unwrapped the red feather boa from around her neck.

"La la la la la la la la

I just can't get you out of my head

Boy your lovin' is all I think about

I just can't get you out of my head

Boy it's more than I dare to think about..."

Drawn in by her seductive dance moves, Cloud edged towards the stage. Her athletic body build, her shapely behind, her muscular arms, her eyes watching him... When did she start watching him? Sophia leaned down and wrapped her feather boa around his neck. He grabbed it, noticing the strong perfume that emanated from it. She sang the rest of the song looking at him, as if he was the only one there. After her song was over, she left the stage. Cloud reluctantly went back to his bar stool and rejoined his friend the amazing Tequila bottle.

"Do you intend to keep my boa?"

Cloud turned to see Sophia's red lips smiling at him. Her eyes shimmered in the club's low lights.

"Excuse me?"

She unwrapped the boa from around his neck and stowed it away in her coat.That was when Cloud had noticed that she had changed out of her outfit and into a uniform that looked oddly familiar.

"Is it for your next performance?" He slurred out.

"No. I have the rest of the night off. It's just good luck."

"Really?"

"Really." She smiled. Cloud smiled back. She rubbed his inner thigh with her hand, causing him moan slightly. His pants growing tighter with each rub.

They drank, talked, and laughed until the bar got too crowded.

"I'll be right back." She said, kissing him lightly on the lips.

Sophia grabbed her bag from the dressing rooms in the back and followed Cloud back to Tifa's bar. Cloud noticed that while he and Sophia were there, Reno kept looking over at them strangely. Cloud thought to himself, _he's just jealous that I'm here with such a beautiful woman._ Cloud then proceeded to make out with the luscious silver haired woman. Moaning a little more than he should have, they broke for air. Cloud glanced over at Reno and was pleased by the horrified expression on the redhead's face.

"Want to go upstairs babe?" He said slurring slightly.

"I'd love to." Sophia whispered into his ear.

Unaware that he was about to take a silver haired MAN up to his room, he made his way up the stairs. Reno just looked on in shocked silence as Sephiroth walked over and grabbed Reno by the waist, whispering something in Reno's ear. Reno suddenly blushed violently and ran out of the bar.

" He'll come back. They always do." Sephiroth said, smirking.

Tifa walked in, just as a familiar, rather flustered red haired man ran outside.

"Reno? Hey, What's going on?" She asked.

"Cloud's getting it on with Sephiroth upstairs!" Is all she heard as he ran screaming into the night.

"UUUHHHH OKAY." She said as she walked in. Isaac followed in behind her, licking his lips slightly.

"Hey Tifa, I have something to do. Just wait for me okay?" He said running past her.

"What the HELL?Why are all of the men in my life GAY?" she said slamming her fists into the bar.

He bounded up the stares and pressed his ear against Cloud's door. He could hear a series of groans and loud moaning before he knocked.

"What do you need?" Sephiroth asked (Did I happen to mention that he is completely naked when he answered the door?)

"Got room for one more?" Isaac asked, his eyes resting on the the completely drunk Cloud lying on the bed.

"Sure!" Sephiroth said, pulling Isaac through the door.

"Sophia, who's at the door?" Cloud asked.

"Its just my friend Isabelle."

"Ohh, she's cute. Can she join us?" he asked.

"Oh yeah." Sephiroth said, closing the door.

After a few minutes another loud knock interrupted their "Fun".

"Uhh, um, I was just wondering if I could join you guys."

Sephiroth slowly walked to the door. He smiled as he recognized the blushing redhead outside.

"Hey guys. Do we have room for one more?" Sephiroth said, pulling Reno through the door. He kissed Reno deeply, letting the two others watch in eager anticipation.

"So what do you say, Cloud?"

"I says, the more babes the better." He slurrs as Reno joins them on the bed.

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A series of Oh My God's erupt from the fans.

CheshireCato.Oo.O: Hey, look at my friend Jessica for putting this insanity together. I just helped.

Jessica: -sniggers-

CheshireCato.Oo.O: That's it, I am leaving.

Jessica: Oh come on. Its Sephi in a corset!!

CheshireCato.Oo.O: How did I let you talk me into posting this crack fic?????


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